Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
