I don't remember. Are we still dating?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize