Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
