She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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