I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
