I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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