the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
