Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
