so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
