I want to have your abortion
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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