drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
