Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
