I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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