I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
one might say we're banned from that church
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
