Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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