i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
