i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
