How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
