it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
