Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
