He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
