You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is Oprah even human
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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