Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
