I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
