The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
