I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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