Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just gargled with NyQuil
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
