Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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