I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize