Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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