his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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