omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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