She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
