good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
