The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
