I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
