My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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