I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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