I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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