Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
