I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
