just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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