I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize