Swine flu. Run for my life!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were trust falling into bushes
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
