Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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