meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
