to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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