Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Randomize
