At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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