Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
