I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
