if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
