Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
