Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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