He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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