Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
