My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
