i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize