watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
