Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize