Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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