If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
