Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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