..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
