Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize