I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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