I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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