i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
