Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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