I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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