My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
