I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
