Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
