the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
