perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
