he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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